My heart is heavy.

So it's 3:30 in the morning, and I'm sitting here...waiting...wishing... and writing in this thing, that no one will probably ever read.

The Disney Channel is on in the background, some movie about race horsies are on. My booty is slightly stuck to the leather couch because my body is hot? My tummy is full from the ramen I just ate (which probably made my body hot). My hair is all crazy because I didn't blow dry it after I took a shower but it smells good. My brain is dead from trying figure out photoshop. And for some reason, my heart is heavy.

My horoscope tells me to get connected with someone who adds a little spice to my life! Yep, that's just what I need, except for..WHO ART THOU IS THY PERSON??? Come rescue me, please.

I've been roaming around
always lookin down at all I see.
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach.
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you...

I've been trying to keep myself busy lately, trying to keep my mind off certain things. This summer, I learned that no matter what happens, no matter what he does, what she does, what anyone does; in the end, the most important thing is: self-respect. When things don't go your way, when someone treats you like trash, when someone betrays you and humiliates you, keep your head held high even though your heart is breaking. Have a little dignity and walk away... don't put up with garbage. Don't ever "settle" for someone, when you'd rather be with someone else you can't have. It's mean and it's cruel.

When your heart is wanting one thing, but your head says no, put up a fight. FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU LOVE & DON'T GIVE UP. I've given up on a lot of things in my life..but only because 1) it wasn't worth fighting for or 2) they gave up on me first. I know I'm not perfect. Not even close. But what I do know is what I want.

Sometimes it can just be "all the little things" that really get to someone. I mean c'mon, how oblivious and naive can somebody be? Just stop for a sec, and just think about what you're saying, what you've done, what's happening, and what you are doing because of it? I'm not asking you to read my mind, just don't play dumb. If I knew, I would have walked away a long time ago.

On a "lighter" note, my heart doesn't feel as heavy?

Going to fall asleep to "Part of The List" by Ne-Yo
Goodnight