out of sight, out of mind right?

I don't want to fight this kind of war

I would march across the desert to defeat my enemy
And I would lie here in the trenches with your picture next to me
And when I told you it's forever, then it's how its gonna be
Don't, won't let him just take the place of me (No..)

Does he really know you like I know you, all the little things?
Does he really love you, like I love you, how can he compete?
If he makes me fight for you, die for you, would he do the same?
This is turning into way more than a game..

Now it feels like soldiers in a war and none of us are backing down
And I will show you victory is mine before we leave this battleground
Cause he don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
He don't wanna leave and I don't wanna fight this kind of war

You know he's not the man you think he is; he's hiding all his flaws
So tell me what's the point of fighting? Because we'll all end up with scars
But girl if that's what I must go through, then I'm not prepared to lose
Cause I've already bled so much for you (No..)

Does he really know you like I know you, all the little things?
Does he really love you, like I love you, how can he compete?
If he makes me fight for you, I die for you, would he do the same?
Baby this is turning into way more than a game..

Baby cause we're soldiers in a war and none of us are backing down
And I will show you victory is mine before we leave this battleground
Cause he don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
He don't wanna leave and I don't wanna fight this kind of war (No, No..)

Getting kind of sick of this battle
Wish I could take it back to when I had you
I'm always thinking that I can have you, just let him have you
It's getting kinda hard to convince you

After all the shit that we've been through
Why would you let all this happen?
You gotta choice to make it stop
It's already going too far..

Girl we're soldiers in a war and none of us are backing down
And I will show you victory is mine before we leave this battleground
Cause he don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
He don't wanna leave and I don't wanna fight this kind of war

Cause he don't wanna leave, and I don't wanna go
And I know just how this battle goes
He don't wanna leave and I don't wanna fight this kind of war..

It's frustrating when you can't have what you want.

I hate the feeling..

when I'm laying in bed,
t0ssing and turning,
with so much on my mind,
not able to sleep,
watching the sun starting to
peek through the blinds in my room.

I can't control the way I feel,
but I can control what I do.
Is what I'm doing ok? Who knows. I don't.
I guess all I can do right now is

believe in my heart that everything in my life is happening just like its supposed to.

life happens

Today I had a sudden urge to be active! (uhh, and because I can't fit half of the clothes I own anymore) >:| ba humbug. So I got off my big lazy bum and off to the gym I went. I feel like I had a decent workout, but I know I could have done better. I worked out my legs pretty hard, I know I won't be able to walk up and down stairs tomorrow lol but I got to get rid of these thunder thighs somehow! I love the feeling to being sore! It's like a good kind of pain? I'll work out even harder next time.

Tonight I was asked to help plan kdphi's and lambda's installs/formals again this semester. (because I was in charge last semester and it was pretty amazing) haha jk. But I'm definitely excited to help again this year! It'll keep me busy and that's just exactly what I need right now. Over these past years, I've realized that I really enjoy planning events and parties. It's so rewarding when game day comes along and everything is beautifully executed; when you're able to sit back during the event and just watch everyone enjoying themselves and having a good time and knowing that you contributed to that, is a sweet feeling. Not a lot of people know this, but my dream job one day is to become a wedding planner. I have this strange obsession with weddings and everything that has to do with weddings. Is that scary? Would I scare boys away? lol The whole concept of uniting two people who are in love fascinates me; a little girl's dream come true; the happiest day of a man's/woman's life. I think I'd be damn good at it too! But who am I kidding right? I can't imagine having a conversation with my parents, telling them that I want to drop nursing and pursue party planning. They'd disown me and tell me that I've dishonored our family. hah jk, but seriously, it'd get ugly. I'd rather not think about what crazy and irrational things they'd say. Sometimes I wish I was white, with hippie parents. Then, they'd encourage me to do what I love right? So that I don't grow up bitter resenting myself and my life. Oh well, maybe someday. A girl can dream right?

Speaking of dreams, I've had some super weird ones lately. Too bad I can't remember then, or else I'd share.

Other then that, my life isn't very exciting. Nothing new, nothing to look forward to. Sometimes I feel like I've hit a plateau and I'm longing for something new and exciting, but at the same time I'm scared. Its hard to wear my heart on my sleeve because nowadays it seems like everything is "complicated." Nothing seems to ever be simple anymore. It's never just black or white anymore, but hundreds shades of gray. It's frustrating but life happens. It's never fair is it? The past seems to haunt us and no one is ever able to let go..perhaps because they gave them too much to hold on to. I've learned that holding onto mere memories of what used to be and what was, ended up hurting me even more in the long run.

I'm rambling now. It's 5am, wayyyy past my bed time :(

Some cool songs Pandora played tonight:
Someday by John Legend
The Rain Don't Stop by Hope
Complicated by Robin Thicke
Forget Me Not by Lucie Silvas
Officially Missing You by Tamia

Goodnight and sweetest dreams.

"I love how things work out in the end. You may have doubt throughout, but if you’re in doubt it’s not the end. If you’re unhappy, it’s not the end. Have faith in what you do and feel confident while doing it because in the end it all has to work out."

-Unknown

restless nights.

Just a couple of cool things I came across on the world wide web on some of those restless nights;

Michael Kors Chain Necklace


I prob wouldn't be able to pull this necklace off.. but I think it's pretty bad A.

Rock&Republic Studded Pumps & Christian Louboutin Jeannette Spiked Sandals


Big bad girl shoes. Idk, I feel like there's just something about having sexy sharp spikes on your pumps that make you feel invincible, like you can conquer the world in them.

Entry Lock Double Finger Ring by Little Rooms

"a nostalgic charm with a modern edge."

I had no idea that Adidas made such cute man clothes!



...or maybe it's the male models that are really cute...? jk!


Outdoor Cove Bed


Last and certainly not least, I'd totally love to have one of these things in my back yard some day. It'd be great for spooning. lol

easy way out

scared of the future

can't let go

stick with what's comfortable right?

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